Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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