I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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