If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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