i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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