what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
