yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
