The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize