tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
