Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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