Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can't special order awesome
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And the cops told us we were all naked.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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