it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
