your thong is hanging out like whoa
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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