I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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