I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
