so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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