He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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