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Just fell off a train. Bad.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
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