Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist