Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?

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  (207): do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam? http://tfl.nu/5qkv
  Replies (31) Good night (864) Bad night (5415)
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  (619): View more from California

  do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.

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  (619): do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big. http://tfl.nu/tgfw
  Replies (9) Good night (4181) Bad night (1616)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze

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  (305): we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze http://tfl.nu/vupv
  Replies (14) Good night (5544) Bad night (936)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.

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  (201): It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb. http://tfl.nu/thcm
  Replies (6) Good night (5393) Bad night (927)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.

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  (712): Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ntux
  Replies (11) Good night (3641) Bad night (804)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.

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  (438): My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much. http://tfl.nu/ekca
  Replies (8) Good night (3320) Bad night (797)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.

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  (605): I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/f89d
  Replies (7) Good night (2733) Bad night (1213)
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  (695): View more from

  it was like a congratulatory penis slap

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  (695): it was like a congratulatory penis slap http://tfl.nu/qsp5
  Replies (17) Good night (1202) Bad night (660)
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  (661): View more from California

  Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw

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  (661): Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw http://tfl.nu/sucz
  Replies (6) Good night (1519) Bad night (756)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.

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  (281): NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME. http://tfl.nu/v341
  Replies (5) Good night (1175) Bad night (584)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker

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  (603): you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker http://tfl.nu/4u00
  Replies (16) Good night (1731) Bad night (465)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!

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  (262): one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday! http://tfl.nu/b0h1
  Replies (2) Good night (601) Bad night (304)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.

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  (312): I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men. http://tfl.nu/h4bo
  Replies (7) Good night (617) Bad night (257)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  ok thanks goodnight

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person

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  (905): ok thanks goodnight (905): Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person http://tfl.nu/fu6q
  Replies (4) Good night (840) Bad night (266)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.

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  (917): I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart. http://tfl.nu/eru1
  Replies (1) Good night (944) Bad night (196)

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