I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.