Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Randomize
