oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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