I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
