I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
