We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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