They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
