i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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