R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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