You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I enjoy the company of your penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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