We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
