I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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