I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
