Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
