Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
