just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
