Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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