I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
