New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
