I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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