Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
