there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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