I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
