she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
