I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
