I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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