those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
