I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
