My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
