So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize