Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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