I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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