i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
