My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
