I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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