No stitches, just platelets and will power
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my liver is dry heaving
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
