Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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