Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
