I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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