Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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