but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
