My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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