Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
a search helicopter?!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
