Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
