She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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