True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
