Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
