false alarm. still invincible.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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