he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
